BOUNDARIES - How are yours looking?
"I'll say NO, but thank you for thinking of me." 2021 Mantra?
One of my pet coaching topics that I tend to bang on about when given just half a chance is saying NO more often than not! Why is this? Well…
If there is one sure thing that will help to reduce stress and overwhelm it is the word NO. Saying NO demonstrates a solid personal wellbeing line in the sand . And it is where many of us struggle. I sometimes do. I have a pretty good NO in me but if I’m honest I can sometimes aim it at the wrong things or deliver it a little abruptly. This for many of us will always be a WIP.
Over the past year I have spent quite some time researching, thinking and working on personal boundaries and how the lack of them can have a drastic and adverse affect on wellbeing and stress levels.
How many of us can reflect and pinpoint times when we just took too much on with that extra YES. And if we’re honest, it was probably quite a number of times…right?! From wanting to maybe; help out our team, a client, a colleague, a good friend, a peer, a boss, to be helpful, to be valuable, to be in control, to be involved.. and it compromised our time, quality of service and maybe our mental health. It’s a bit like that 3rd glass of wine when you’re on a happy roll but realise afterward that was the one to stop at!
Saying NO is a powerful boundary in keeping true to ourselves and it helps others understand how much we have or don’t have to give right now. It also saves us from feeling resentful, used, taken for granted etc.
Our capacity to deliver fluctuates, depending on many variables that we juggle at any given time. Only you know where you are at on that scale. Most high achievers push their capacity to its upper limits…a lot!! We can contribute incredibly without selling ourselves out or pushing ourselves to the upper limits so often. However, it is a tough call when we are needing to impress, people please, reach our targets or show others what a great person/leader/employer we are. YOU ARE GREAT and saying YES to too much is not necessary in order to deliver exceptional results and prove how talented and capable you are. Less is definitely more here!
I’m also keen to mention what sits on the reverse side of this that is not often raised…and that is, be prepared to hear NO yourself more. From those you love, work with, play with, lead and follow. Support the NOs that you receive with compassion. Thank the person for being strong and setting boundaries. No one needs to justify a no when it’s a personal NO. I understand professionally that is sometimes a little different. But the explanation can be brief and succinct. No guilt, no justification. Just a NO and sometimes a “NO but thank you for thinking of me – I appreciate that.“ is often all that is required.
2021 maybe the year of NO and some hell yeah YES’s!! Bring it!
Lesley Colcord: Coach to top of gamers.
Providing wellbeing/de-stress hacks and boundaries for high achievers. Helping you stay at the top of your game and be a master of your craft without compromising LIFE. Supporting you being creative, energetic, well and living an abundant life professionally and personally 🖤